Reevaluate | Relationships + Networks

Recently {like this week} I've had to step back and look at what networks I have SheBreathes a part of, and what e-friendships needed to be cut. This is something that everyone should do and of course if I had a guidebook beforehand, I wouldn't have been apart of said networks and or e-relationships in the first place, but we all live and learn even virtually.

Image Source.

Here is what I mean:

With the new blog move, I've been cleaning-up my sidebar. Getting rid of outdated links, networks which I think require more work than they do in helping, etc. With this came some hard decision to cut ties to networks, who I think in theory worked, but don't now, at least for me or SheBreathes. It just became way too much work to constantly be required to do X, Y, Z. I'm all for contributing but when you tell me it's required, you will indeed meet a bull with horns, where I'm concerned.

I refuse to cater to any one group of people, which I'm sure makes me a bit of anomaly to some in the blogosphere. I don't wear the colour of my skin on my shoulder and I definitely don't have any badges up declaring I'm this or that. I've taken a few networks/links down, except the ones I feel are beneficial. To me this is key. If a network you're a part of requires you to leave comments and feels that participation in said network requires you kiss a million virtual arses, then cut ties and build your own empires.

Let me explain:

Human beings are indeed complicated, we can be insecure, needy, and all around catty even when we project a vibe of "I'm cool with everyone". If all you're doing is linking to drive their PageRank up and what they've contributed to helping you is redundant {as in the information} then move on. Don't feel bad or the need to explain, or even justify why you've outgrown them. I've always maintained that 99.999% of networks eventually turn to huge cliques and the very people who make the rules don't follow them, because for some reason it's always about who they're cool with not what's beneficial to the network. I know some do a very good job of hiding this, but look closely at the structure and work from there. To me joining network is as important as choosing which blog platform you will use.

If you're going to join a network don't do it because everyone else in your blogging category is doing it. But do it because you've researched said network and found them to be a perfect fit. Some won't need to be a part of anything and that's perfectly cool. My rant isn't against networks it's against those that no longer benefit you. You can build e-relationships by emailing bloggers, commenting etc, you don't need a network to do that, just like you didn't need a network to say "hi" to girl or boy who became your best friend. So just remember this before joining by default.

Some networks have a plethora of helpful information, but honestly the ones which helped me had very little do to with fashion, go figure. If you want to be a part of said network look at their members and make yourself a pros/cons list. Visit the very best blogs you love and see if they have a badge or are indeed forging ahead at their own intergalactic pace. Networks should be reciprocal period.

Final Thoughts:

I've spent 3+ years in this blogosphere and while I may not boast in every single post who my e-friends are, or those I've helped get into fashion week, or events, know that I have them and maintain a beautiful close knit of one-table sitters. But at the same time because of all these years of blogging, I've seen all kinds of leeches. The most amazing kinds are the ones who blogstalk {not this kind} you know watch your every move only to duplicate it in some way on their blogs. There is nothing more draining than e-friending someone only to learn they were always only it for themselves. Only in to become your blog doppelganger.

Now, I know it's hard to feel like you're not a part of something, but I've never been one for feeling like I "need" to be a part of something. I say yes make friends, be a part of networks but be sure it's reciprocal. If you're exerting far more energy then said e-friend or network then it's time to reevaluate the relationship. It's time to make your own path and beat to your own drum, not the sounds or path of others. This is life. It may seem harsh or selfish but remember you must at all times protect your integrity and sanity. Some things and people just aren't worth it. Some will be wolves dressed in sheep's clothes. Treat your online world like you do your offline world.

At the end of the day it's individuals who have a collective thought that get things done, not those who have cliques and cool kids table. I assure you sitting alone at the table can be Zen. It's perfectly OK to be analog girls/boys in a digital world {thanks E. Badu}. You truly don't have to bend to the personal brands, networks, or social media pressures. Just remember all the hard work you did before any of this existed and again keep moving forward. Choose and align wisely.

With love,

Ms. Shoo/Starship Guider/Member of the One-Sitter table. ;)

Comments

[Alicia]

Preach!

[Sherisa (L'elephant Rose)]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamen!

[Goldie]

I couldn't have said it better myself. Let's keep the high school off the blogs. I love that you agreed with me to ditch those who pretend to be friendly but really only want to pretend to be friendly.

[Chauvhan]

Very well said. I find myself struggling with the network affiliations. I am rethinking and choosing wisely.

[Danica]

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